I'm not sure if this is the correct place to put this so can someone please direct me if this belongs somewhere else?

I wanted to share something that I wrote a while back when I was playing Dungeons and Dragons. It was extra credit for bonus experience points (the points given to boost your character in the game). Any feedback will be greatly appreciated since I would like to start submitting fiction for the magazine in the future. Thanks.


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First journal entry

To all who read this. My name is Thanos of the house of Boccob. This is a journal of my adventures.

As of this writing I am 20 years old. I am a 5 foot 8 inch tall Human and weigh approximately 150 pounds. I have black hair and dark blue eyes. I am fair-skinned.

I have always been interested in the mystic arts ever since I can remember. I am the only son of a poor farmer and his wife. I was first introduced to the arts by an uncle who dabbled in magic during his spare time. Growing up I spent many fond hours at his house after the sun had gone down and the chores were done. Because my parents couldn’t afford to send me to the academy I instead entered the church to study to become a Cleric. While I was there my talents were recognized and I was accepted at the academy on scholarship. I continued my duties at the church on weekends but spent the majority of my time thereafter at the academy studying the arcane arts until graduating a week ago. With my background in both arts my path is now the path of the Mystic Theurge.

Enough about me, now on to my current situation. What a week it’s been! Not even a day out of the academy and already I’ve gotten myself into trouble. Let me fill you in.I had just received my robes and staff and was quietly celebrating at the local tavern (hey, I’m a Cleric not a Paladin) when one of the drunken locals told me the story of a great cave of wonder nearby. He said that the cave was abandoned years ago and a magical creature, called a Jackalope, is said to inhabit it now. He told me that it is a low-level creature that will join the party of any adventurer that manages to capture it and may come in handy in the future. My familiar did not appreciate that last part but I was already captivated by this drunken man’s story. After getting the directions for the cave and paying for this man’s tab I headed out on my first adventure, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

I should stop and point out two important details to you dear reader. If you are reading this in the same “cave” I spoke about then I am probably dead and you should know that:

1. There is no such thing as a Jackalope. It is just some story that the &%$! locals tell to unsuspecting Clerics or Wizards to get them in the dungeon.

2. The “cave” is not abandoned and is full of very very hostile creatures.

So, if you are still reading this and haven’t soiled yourself then you must be one brave adventurer sir/madam.

Anyway, long story short, I bumped into a ragtag bunch in the dungeon cells earlier today. An Ogre and a angry/wounded Dwarf. Both males. Both single. And when I bumped into them I apparently interrupted an argument about one of them smelling bad and the other not being able to take it anymore. Note to self. I should really brush up on that Expeditious Retreat spell just in case the big one has any funny ideas in the middle of the night.

The Dwarf’s temper seems to be as bad as his breath, but that might be due to the fact that he was near dying when I met him. Not so near that he didn’t have the strength to yell me out for wandering around a dangerous dungeon by myself. Obviously I didn’t tell him the whole story about the Jackalope thing. The Dwarf is from a long line of warriors and wants to take his place among them. Judging from his wounds he was pretty close to meeting his ancestors in person today.

The Ogre seemed to be in better spirits, though the Dwarf was right, he does need a bath. Why didn’t I bring that soap? He is also aspiring to be a Cleric like myself which was a shock to me. In all my years at the academy I don’t remember running into any Ogre Clerics. I knew they existed but it just seemed so far-fetched to me. When I think of Ogres I think of Barbarians or Warriors, not healers. Can you imagine what he’ll be able to do once he gets casting abilities? Scary. I’ll have to remind myself to do more research on Ogre Clerics when and if I get out of here.After getting through with the formal introductions I sat down to tend to wounds and to listen to their adventures thus far. I was curious to hear about their reasons for being here, and without a spell-caster no less. What was the Dwarf thinking?

The good news was I was probably still alive because I had inadvertently followed this group the whole way, always about a half day behind. That would probably explain all the freshly killed evils along the way. The latest being a rotting, magically controlled skeleton in the next room. Whoever would want to send skeletons to kill this group has yet to be determined. Whoever it is must have a sense of humor because, from what I understand, the thing pleaded for it’s life like a little baby before it was slain. It did drop some interesting stuff that I haven’t had time to identify yet. Another reason why it’s a good idea to have a spell caster in the party.

Now I’m sitting here, after tending to the Dwarf’s wounds, and writing to you dear reader, as I listen to the heavenly sounds of Dwarf and Ogre snoring. Ah, lucky me. I should really start getting my spells ready for tomorrow and get some sleep. Hey, maybe my new “friends” can help me pay a visit to that tavern if we ever get out of here alive. Wouldn’t that be nice?

Signed,
Thanos

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Entry #2

About a week has gone by since I last wrote an entry to this journal. I have prayed to Boccob for my fifth time this morning, since joining my new party. It has been difficult adjusting to the unstructured life of an adventurer. All I knew up till this point was the disciplined lives of the church and the academy. Even the farm had its daily regimen. Here, in the dungeon, we rest for days and travel at odd hours. I wonder if my parents will worry. I was to visit them after my graduation, before starting an apprenticeship.

On my first night with the group I had first watch and quickly busied myself by trying to keep the Ogre, Smash, from swallowing his tongue during the night. Boy can he snore! The good news is I think I’m starting to get used to the smell. Gnasher, the Dwarf, seemed immune to the noise and was sleeping peacefully in the corner.

So there I was, on first watch, when there came a knock on the door. Foolishly I responded as if I was back at the temple letting in a stranger who was looking for shelter. I was promptly restrained by the Dwarf, who had woken up to the commotion. Reminding me that I was not wearing any armor, he opened the door and found himself standing face to belt buckle with a Drow. The Drow introduced himself as Sa’e, a Sorcerer looking for adventure and treasure. Although I don’t trust power hungry Drows from undisciplined classes, I was glad to see another magic wielder.

At about the same time a Pixie appeared out of nowhere, carrying a torch of some kind. She introduced herself as Mhave, the Rogue of the party. I later came to learn that the Pixie is also married to the Ogre. Yes, you heard that correctly. Don’t ask me how, or why, I didn’t have time to ask those questions myself and it is probably prudent to wait until I know them better.

If you haven’t noticed by now, the dungeon is infested with rats. We were attacked by six of them outside of our hideout shortly after meeting the Drow. They weren’t much of a challenge, although if they bite you they may infect you with disease so it is best to be careful. After we had cleared the hallway of the rodents the Gnasher, Smash, and Sa’e began to skin and prepare the nasty creatures. We’re not sure if the meat is safe however, because Sa’e immediately got a mean case of diarrhea and had to rush to the rest-area with the Dwarf on guard duty.

During this rest period I also took to the duty of identifying the magical items. During the course of my task one of the items, a book written in a strange language, began glowing with a strange red light. I foolishly continued my identify spell and had the book explode, in a fiery ball of paper, right in my face. Painfully I continued my task until everything was identified. The remaining items were a vial of Bull’s strength, a +1 greatsword, and a +3 bracers. The Ogre got the greatsword, the Drow got the bracers, and somehow, after identifying the equipment and taking an explosion to the face doing so, I ended up empty handed. I also noticed that Sa’e’s eyes would widen, and his mouth would water, whenever treasure was discussed. This was a little unnerving. I hope it doesn’t turn out to be a problem later.

After everyone was well rested we continued to explore the dungeon halls. Almost immediately we ran into a strange human woman sitting in a room by herself. Had this not been a deadly dungeon, long abandoned and crumbling on our heads, this would not be a strange sight. As it were, I was alarmed to see this sight. Initially, attempting to speak to the woman yielded no results. I then began to discreetly scan the room for magics. Wouldn’t you know it? The woman glowed with a strange aura, indicating that she was a magical being. After a while she silently rose up out of her seat and walked straight through our party, as a ghost might do, and then she spoke. She introduced herself as Ms. Tohno, the only human Archon in these parts. She told us of another party that came before us (a Demon, a Paladin, a Ranger, two Dwarfs, and a Warmage). I was a little alarmed by this news. She then asked us to follow her and after little discussion we did so.

She took us through hallways and locked doors until we came to a room with two dead Elven twins covered with mold. Sa’e immediately scoured the bodies for items and recovered a contract, rations, a magical ring, studded armor, and gems and gold worth approximately 1500GP. Ms. Tohno told us the sad story of the twin Elves. They were on a contract to repair this dismal place when they were overcome by the evils that lived here. The contract contained the names of the two twins, Brachus and Skylar, and a third name Uraha. This raised more questions. Why were they repairing this dungeon? Who and where is this man Uraha, and was there foul play involved?

After saying a quick prayer for these two souls we headed further north. Stepping through one of the doors we were suddenly overcome with a foul odor that stunned all of us and sickened the Pixie. Troglodytes. Ms. Tohno informed us that these foul creatures inhabit many of the rooms in this area of the dungeon. Readying ourselves we headed into the hallway.

Our first encounter was short-lived. We found the unsuspecting group sitting around a forge and surprised them with a web spell that glued them to the spot. Smash then stepped in and made short work of the helpless fiends.

Our next encounter wasn’t as smooth. In another room, we were caught off guard by more rats. They set upon the Drow and the Dwarf and Sa’e nearly met his maker. Luckily we had enough healing items to heal those two before more Trogolodytes surrounded our room. This next battle was the toughest one of the day.

The Trogolodytes must have known we were ready for them because they refused to enter our room and instead began lobbing flaming bottles of alcohol at our two tanks through the open door. The Dwarf immediately went into a rage and rushed out to meet the hoard full on while Smash performed the most amazing feat of strength I have seen so far. He cleaved one of the monsters on the other side of the doorway, by reaching around the wall, and killed it in one blow. Unfortunately for Gnasher there was a Cleric waiting for him outside, and after a successful Command spell he was running down the hall like crazed Dwarf. Even with their tactics the Troglodytes were no match for our party and after a long, hard battle we emerged victorious.

So that, dear reader, is where I end this second entry, with my head still spinning from the day’s events.

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Entry #3

Looks like another traveler has joined our merry party. He said his name was Lord Aton Deral and he claimed to be some sort of spell caster that could affect time. A Sigh-something. A mysterious human-like person, six feet tall, wearing a cloak, an eye-patch, and a strange crystal. He too was looking for the mysterious Jackalope. Another victim of the local’s prank. For fear of embarrassment, I have yet to tell the group the truth about the Jackalope, but it looks like I will eventually have to come clean. Lord Deral wasn’t forthcoming about his powers and when Gnasher tried to interrogate him, he brushed off the questions saying that we will find out soon enough. What foolishness is this? And crazier still, the Dwarf allowed him to join our party. As the adventure wore on I found that my misgivings weren’t completely unfounded, however, the Dwarf hasn’t said anything so I will defer judgment to our captain for now. But more on that later.

While we were recovering from our last trek into the dungeon I was given the task of using my magic to clean our soiled clothes and beddings, purify the rat-meat, heal wounds, and identify magical items. I’m starting to feel like the butler around here. At least my first year spells from the academy and the church are coming in handy. The last haul contained a Ring of Protection +2, and four potions of Cure Light Wounds. I got the ring and Sa’e and Smash split the potions. This is where the problems started. Lord Deral wasn’t happy that we were splitting treasure without him. Gnasher tried to explain the party’s rules for splitting treasure but Lord Deral had his own idea of fair. He was overruled but not without stating his displeasure first. I think I’ll refer to him as Aton from now on.

Next order of business was checking the remaining rooms in this part of the dungeon before moving further North. Ms. Tohno was kind enough to agree to scout the remaining rooms for us and located a weapon closet of some kind in the North-West corner of this area. We headed down to the room and found an assortment of crossbows, spears and bolts. Being the only ones with light crossbows, Sa’e and I split the bolts but we left behind the rest of the stuff. Satisfied that we had cleared out the area we headed to one of the North doors that lead to the next area. In the hallway, approximately thirty feet from the door, we came upon a female Elven monk meditating on the floor. She did not respond to our questions so Gnasher took the lead and tried to get around her. Suddenly she lashed out with her bare hands and dealt two mighty blows to the Dwarf. Immediately the rest of us sprang into action. After taking a lot of damage the monk suddenly dropped into unconsciousness.

While she was unconscious we tied her up and began discussing what to do with her. Naturally the Drow wanted to strip her naked, but my religion strictly forbids committing such an unholy act on an unconscious woman. Gnasher and Aton suddenly started acting strangely, complaining of loud noises in their heads. Aton took off the mysterious circlet and stepped on it, smashing it to pieces. Apparently this circlet was possessed with a strange power. When the monk came to we began interrogating her. She didn’t seem to remember how she got there or attacking us for that matter. She belongs to an order of monks that are the protectors of law and peace. She was traveling with a group consisting of a Shadowdancer, Sorcerer, and a Palladin back in DR1378 and somehow got separated. Hearing this we untied her, gave her equipment (except for the key to open the door of course) back to her, and I used three charges from the wand to heal her wounds. She thanked us for our kindness and gave us a parting gift to show her appreciation.

Unfortunately, while we were dividing the spoils, the Sigh-caster lost the Dwarven numbers game and didn’t end up with anything he wanted. So at this point he lays an ultimatum on the rest of the team. If he doesn’t start getting anything, I believe he used the word “Cool” but I could be mistaken, then he will start killing the other members of the party. I guess he said this in the heat of the moment but if he is serious then either he is too confident in his abilities against a Beserker Dwarf and an aspiring Ogre Cleric or he is just plain stupid. I am hoping it is the former because I have heard that it is bad luck to have a stupid member in your party. In any case I found this totally ridiculous and proceeded to ignore the brutish oaf thereafter. Who knows, we may start getting along eventually but for now I will keep an eye on this one.

After a short rest we headed on through the door. This is where our map ended. We were once again in unmapped territory. At this point Ms. Tohno stopped following us. I’m not sure why, and I must remember to consult with her once we get back to that area. I should also see if there is anything I can do to make her stay here more pleasant, since she did help us to pass through here safely.

The door opened up to an adjacent door in a hallway running to the East. There was an eye on the door with the words “Eternal vigilance. Eternal duty.” etched in Celestial on it. We decided to head East and leave the door for later exploration.

Eventually we came to a room with two beetle-like creatures blocking the entranceway. Not knowing if they were dangerous or not I prematurely webbed them. The others took care of them in short order so I may have overestimated the creatures. I need to remember to learn as much as I can about these underground creatures from the Dwarf. I would also like to ask him why his people like living in these horrid conditions but again prudence might be better. I hear they are a proud race and are easily offended. Not to mention untrusting of the mystic arts.

Anyway, back to the story. After I removed the web we heard a scream from inside the room. We walked through the door into a large room of columns which was lit from below by scattered light sources. We came upon a young woman with glasses being attacked by large spiders. The fighters in the group made short order of the spiders and we found out that the girl is something called an Artificer and is part of a Celestial Garrison. She said something about the Inevitables and mentioned that a Master Kilora might be able to help us with our journey. What are Inevitables? Who is this Master Kilora? What is an Artificer? Why do Ogres stink? These are all questions that need to be answered. Hopefully dear reader we will both find out soon enough.

mrStevens, I think your post is fine where it's at, but it would be good to add it here as well,as this is the official thread for Winter 2010 Short Story Submissions.

viewtopic.php?f=35&t=184

I thoroughly enjoyed your stories. Your style sounds vaguely familiar to me.........

Thanks HeartLight. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm not ready to submit this for the competition yet. Right now I just want to get things out there and have people take a look before deciding what I want to submit. With that in mind, is this the best place to solicit feedback or do you still think I should post it in the 2010 Short Story Submission area?

This will be just fine until you're ready to submit. Looking forward to reading more of what you have.

Hey I enjoyed reading your pieces Mr. Stevens... Good stuff!!

Okay I am having a issue with this linky thing......To me it is a PRIVATE PERSONAL Blog page which would be a lovely addition to the WEBSITE thread and is your personal website place....

I have a dial up connection ( which is also MY personal problem lol lol) and to pull me off THIS SITE to another causes me problems.....

I personally think if you wish me to read this ( which I very much would like to do )
you need to copy and paste the article you wrote HERE to be read....

not pull me OFF site.

I am sorry if I sound like an ole biddy...cause I truly am not meaning to..and I will be the first to say I have had a really really ruff week...and maybe this is just hitting me all wrong

and maybe I am not understanding and it is okay to do it this way

but this way seems all wrong to me

and Mr Stevens I really really do wish to read your things......

Oh hey. Thanks for pointing that out. It didn't even occur to me that redirecting people may not be the best way to do this. I honestly didn't mean to offend anyone, just thought people would like to read it as originally displayed. I'll add in the original post now. Thanks for the feedback!

Hun I am not offended ...I have diffuculty dual paging from my home puter...

Butterfly would be the one that actually has to say it is okay or not.....

BUT from my personal standpoint you need to put your personal link in the website section and
paste each story on the site..

You might want to start a ........mr Stevens story thread gallery .......... a personal add to thread like Me , heartlight, Tina and maybe someone else has...then when submission time comes .....you choose the story you like best out of your thread gallery then submit it to Muraski't pen or which ever section that particular story fits in...

hope that made sense......

like I have a phoo thread, a poem thread . a teaching thread...a story thread etc that contains just my works. and peoples comemnts on them lol .......kind a liek my own personal bookstore, photo gallery, school
it really increases your creative energies.....

Okay. Where do I put this "thread gallery?"

I have to say I agree, the blog looked private and had no other info on. We are all a little nervous of links that don't have clear identification when you get there. If you just post a topic with your name in this section and then create your thread of poetry and short stories. I would appreciate that -thank you.