I am always interested in this subject.

Is it the 'vibes' people give off? Obviously as an HSP, I'm sensitive to 'vibes', but I'd love to know how it all works.

I'm always talking about 'jammers', those people who seem to be able to prevent me from knowing how to act with them. I'm always trying to work them out, but never can. If I was more forthright and pushy, I'd say 'what's your problem with me then?' But I'm too polite and sensitive to do that.

Meeting my old university friends after 20 years seems to have pushed me back to feeling like the young, insecure 20 something who felt so bad about herself. Its been hard to get over that feeling. I can't deal with my ex boyfriend at all, but I suppose that is normal. He has the ability to completely befuddle me and wonder what to do or think. But another friend said he is a very complex, messed up man and I shouldn't worry about him. Even though the friend doesn't know what happened between us.

I wish I wasn't so bloody sensitive!!

Kat, I wonder the very same thing! I wish I had some answers. I don't think there is any one thing that determines the difference. I don't have the mental strength to really delve into a response right now, I'm being bombarded at work and am also busy at home, but I will ponder an intelligible response! lol

~Mal

I read some more of The Undervalued Self and thought about the 'reframing' thing. Also my friend said something too. I realised that all this time I've been thinking I wasn't good enough for my ex, which is why we split up.

But duh! My friend said 'he sounds very weird and intense to me, better off out of it.' And a few others have said that, so maybe he wasn't good enough for me, actually LOL! Maybe I had a lucky escape, especially as JustDi said her husband gets on brilliantly with her family and she feels like the odd one out. I'd have definitely felt like that if I'm married my ex, he got on brilliantly with my mum (argh!) and they often left me out. Whereas my husband is as suspicious of her as I am and sees what a manipulator she is.

I have indeed had a lucky escape.

The Undervalued Self also says that if you have traumas in childhood or youth, you under rank yourself to avoid more trauma and defeat, so it made me think: 'hah! no wonder I've had low self esteem with the traumas I went through.'

It says to recognise this is not to feel sorry for yourself or blame others, but to heal yourself.

I've gone totally off topic

But maybe said something of use.

Now I am going to speak in metaphor. Excuse me.

One of my friends has her own vegetable garden. This spring, she planted potatoes and onions in the same mold quite close to each other. Now autumn has arrived, and some interesting results. Potatoes, which grew close to the onions, are smaller than the potatoes, which grew slightly separated from the onions. Then the Onions, which grew near the potatoes, are much more bigger than other onions.
Seeing the results was an interesting moment.

I hope you understand what a metaphor means If you do not understand, ask me to explain. I do it when I have enough time.

Yes, very nicely put Mr P! I have allowed the onions in my life to suck me dry too many times in my life. I need better boundairies!

Our sensitivity is a great gift (I am trying to internalize this every day!) which others can use for their own gain if we let them. There are people whose very prescence cause me to shrink. I become self conscious, make mistakes, and the list goes on around these kinds of people. It just happened to me yesterday as a matter of fact. I would guess that we each are set off by different kinds. I wonder if it has to do with unresolved difficulties with certain kinds of people in our pasts.

I am happy you're sensitive Kat! It is not always easy but it's a good thing because it's part of who you are and I'm glad you're here.

Hope I got it right.

Mr Polvikoski strikes again! In a good way I mean

yes, Di, I suppose we are set off by different kinds of people, depending on our past.

Actually, you have hit on something there! At my last job (a college for 16-19 year olds), two boys gave me trouble. One kept everything to himself, wouldn't tell me what his problem with me was (I never found out why he didn't like me). The other one was mouthy and always telling me why I was annoying him.

The first one really upset me, I couldn't handle him at all and ended up just ignoring him, leaving other support assistants to help him.

The second boy didn't upset me at all, I like the way he spoke out and I knew exactly what he was thinking and why. Other people got really annoyed with him, but I'd much rather know what he thought rather than guess.

It has just occurred to me that my mum, the major influence in my life, was the first type: never told me why she was upset or what I'd done wrong. I had to tiptoe round on eggshells, it was exhausting.

So Bob's your uncle and Fanny's your aunt!

Not sure what you mean there? What is it about? Confused.

Ah, adoremouse1, you have hit a major nail on the head here. Yeah, when I really look at someone honestly, what I don't like about them, is what I keep on trying to ignore about myself. Interesting stuff.

Oh right, I just thought you were saying that you don't have to be sensitive to get affected by people, it happens to everyone, even non sensitives. Which I suppose is true.

That Undervalued Self book is really helping me look after my inner needy one, I feel much stronger than I did a week ago even.

Rar! HSP power!